How to lower your metabolic age.
I’m 25. A few days ago, I learned my metabolic age is 12.
My first thought was: “oh I probably shouldn’t tell my girlfriend she’s dating someone with a 12 year olds body”. Because that would mean my age is on the clock. So I would in fact not be old enough for the ____.
You will eat about 70 tons of food in your lifetime. That’s a lot of potential energy. If it’s not being converted, it’ll be saved.
Most people hear metabolism and think of that friend who can eat an entire pizza and still look like a runway model.
Metabolism is the process by which your body converts food into energy.
And just like that friend who finally hits 30 and discovers the joys of elastic waistbands, your metabolism can slow down, leading to weight gain, fatigue, and a host of other fun symptoms.
Think of it this way: metabolism is the foundation of all health. It’s the engine driving every other aspect of your well-being.
9 out of the 10 leading causes of death in the U.S. are linked to poor metabolic health.
The real problem lies in how our health system handles this.
We’re laser-focused on treating symptoms rather than addressing the root cause—metabolic dysfunction.
It’s like playing whack-a-mole with symptoms while the underlying problem continues to wreak havoc.
Improving your metabolic health is easier than you think, and it doesn’t involve selling your soul to the gym gods. Here are some tips:
- Sleep: Aim for 7-9 hours of shut-eye. Avoid staring at screens before bed unless you want to scroll through existential dread on social media all night. Morning sunlight is also your BFF; it helps regulate your circadian rhythm and tells your body to wake up and pretend to care. I usually just watch England’s Euro games to fall asleep.
- Essential Fatty Acids: They help reduce inflammation and improve heart health. Fish, flaxseeds, walnuts—pick your poison. Not into fish? No biggie — there are plenty of plant-based options.
- Gut Check: Fermented foods like sauerkraut, kimchi, and yogurt. Your gut microbiome will thank you, and you’ll feel less like a bloated hot air balloon and more like a well-oiled machine.
- Glutamine: Sugar cravings often derail our metabolic age. This amino acid can curb sugar cravings and improve gut health. Foods like chicken, fish, and beans—basically, anything that used to be alive.
- Thyroid Support: Keep your thyroid grooving with selenium and iodine. Most salt has iodine. Brazil nuts are selenium powerhouses—just one or two a day can make a difference. Most meats are selenium rich.
- Exercise, But Make It Fun: Forget marathons and CrossFit. Play sports. Use your brain, get competitive, chase a ball. “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” – Plato.
- Manage Stress: Chronic stress can wreak havoc on your metabolic health. Find ways to relax, whether it’s through meditation, reading, or watching cat videos on YouTube.
In high school, my friend Barrett ate nothing but Coke, popcorn, and McRibs. He looked like the stick man from Bug’s Life. He never played sports or worked out.
But we weren’t friends with him because he was a skinny chicken-legged stick bug. We loved his jokes.
My friends would tell him that once his metabolism slows down, it’s over for him.
And now at 25, he’s ginormous. But even funnier now.
Universal fact: the chubbier you are, the funnier you become.
So for those that are not optimizing for longevity, but instead want to please friends with gut-busting laughs, I commend your honor and bestow the following…
How to raise your metabolic age:
- Skip Breakfast: It’s the most important meal of the day… to miss.
- Mainline Sugar: Because who needs teeth or stable blood sugar levels?
- Netflix and Never Move: Exercise is overrated; the couch is your new best friend.
- Stress All the Time: Worry about everything—preferably while doomscrolling.
- Sleep? What’s That?: Aim for 4 hours of sleep. Insomnia is the new black.
And there you have it. A martyr to be remembered forever. Your newfound girth will bring joy and longevity to your friends. Because laughter is the best medicine—even if it comes with a side of fries.
Hey by the way, I will reply to any email you send me. Just send an email to therenewalnewsletter@gmail.com
Best,
Jacob & The Renewal team